From: Mezzo4@aol.com
Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1998 22:27:38 EDT
Subject: Desideratum III: After  (1/5) R.Anton & L.Blaurosen


TITLE: Desideratum III: After  (1/5)
AUTHORS: Rachel Anton and Laura Blaurosen
E-MAIL: RaValliano@aol.com and Mezzo4@aol.com
RATING: NC-17
CATEGORY: S, A, R
KEYWORDS: MSR, angstfest
SPOILERS: Let's be safe and say US season 5 and FTF
DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere as long as our names and e-mail
addys go with it

DISCLAIMER: We don't own Mulder, Scully, Skinner, Bill
and Maggie Scully, or the concept of Charles Scully. All the
other characters are ours though :)

SUMMARY: How far is too far to go in the name of love?

All other items in part one.

Desideratum III:  After
     by Rachel Anton and Laura Blaurosen

part 1/5

Thursday
3:30 p.m.

Mulder took out his own key to Scully's apartment without
even first asking for hers.  He was holding all of her bags
and the what seemed to Mulder like $1500 dollars in
miscellaneous get well cards and presents.  He hadn't
realized just how many people Scully knew.  He had a
tendency to assume that the only people in her life were her
family and him.  Most of the time he assumed he was the
only person in her life.  

After juggling all of the boxes and bags and still not
succeeding in opening the door, he heard a familiar
chuckle and a jingling next to him.

"You don't need to prove anything to me, Mulder," Scully
said as she opened her second new door, using her right
hand to do it.

She had her cast removed this morning and doctor was
completely bowled over by the fact that it seemed to have
completely healed itself already.  He even checked the
original x-rays again to be sure that they had been given the
right photos from the start.  But that had been her injury, her
breaks, and they had seemed to have all completely
mended themselves in record time.  He saw no reason after
this morning to keep her in the hospital.  

Mulder would have loved more than anything to attribute her
miraculous recovery to their lovemaking, but of course 
he couldn't.  The humiliating event of four nights ago came
crashing back to him for the millionth time.  He squinted and
relaxed his face once.  He wanted so much to be able to just
put it out of his mind completely, to forget what a pathetic
loser of a lover he had been for her.  If it wasn't for the other
images of Scully that had come out of that night, he'd have
vowed to never think about it again. 

Once she had the door open, Mulder dropped all of her
things on the floor of her living room, sending the suitcases
tumbling into the couch table and consequently knocking
over the lamp and the candlesticks that were there.

"Oh, jeez, Scully, I'm sorry!"  What an oaf he was.  Not two
seconds here and he was already destroying her home. 
Thankfully nothing broke.

She laughed at him and shook her head.  He went to catch
one of the candlesticks that had decided to roll off the table
and his foot caught on the cord of the lamp that had
knocked over.  He lost his balance and fell into the table,
losing the candlestick completely.

Time to get out of there.  Fast.  Before he a chance to find
out if it was in fact possible to die from humiliation.  He
gathered himself and bent down carefully to pick up the
candlestick.  He turned to her shyly and held out the object.

"Sorry.  I don't think," he turned it over once in his hand.  "I
think it's okay."

He lifted his eyes to her and saw that she had her lips
sucked inward, most likely trying not to laugh out loud at
him.  "Mulder," she said, shaking her head yet again at him,
"Mulder, relax."

She took the candlestick out of his hand and then covered
his empty hand with her free one, squeezing just a little. 
She may as well have taken his dick and squeezed it,
because it was having the same reaction anyway.  
Definitely time to go home.

As he was concentrating on keeping his hard on to a
minimum level, he hadn't noticed that she'd picked up his
mess and was running around the place like she'd just
gotten back from a vacation.  Some vacation it had been.

"I'm home I'm home I'm home!" She called from the
bathroom.  "Oh God, Mulder it feels SO good to be home,
you know that?"

"What?"  He couldn't remember exactly what it was she had
just said.  All he'd heard was "Oh God, Mulder, it feels so
good."

"Ah!  My tub and my shower and my sink..."

Oh, home.  She was happy to be home.  Her home.  

He realized it was probably time for him to leave her alone. 
She probably could use the respite from him anyway.  Time
to enjoy being home.  Home doing whatever it was she did
when she was alone.  Needing to refocus.  Relax.  On her
couch or curled up in bed...

"Uh, so I guess I'll see you around, then Scully?"  See you
around.  I think we've got 5th period together next semester. 
What the fuck was that?  But it didn't matter because he
needed to get out of there and soon, otherwise she might
have a repeat performance of four nights ago without even
needing to touch him.  

"Mulder," she called again from the bathroom.  "You aren't
going now, are you?"  She peeked out from the hallway door
and Mulder thought he could faint.  Her hair was a disaster,
all mussed and flying every which way.  It was fucking
unbelievably gorgeous.

"Uh...hummm...yeah."  He swallowed hard.  "I mean, don't
you wanna be alone tonight?  I was just gonna let you be
alone tonight, I thought that's what you'd want, to be alone. 
Here by yourself.  To do whatever...whatever you
wanted...to do...alone..."  Shut up you babbling idiot. 
You really oughtta be shot for being such a moron.

He looked over at her again and her face was dead serious. 
"I don't wanna do anything alone, Mulder," was all she said
and she disappeared into the bathroom again.

God, it was fucking hot in here.  Where the hell was her
thermostat?  He started looking around the walls in the living
room for it.  He didn't see it anywhere.  Probably on the wall
in her bedroom and there wasn't any way in hell he was
wandering into there now.  

As he was looking around, he bumped into that damn table
behind the couch again.  Rather than the candlesticks
knocking over this time, a little glass object rocked
precariously back and forth on the edge.  His reaction time
wasn't quick enough and it fell, breaking in two pieces on as
it hit the hardwood floor.  God, how much furniture did she
need in this place, anyway?  It was no wonder he knocked
into the table, there was so much stuff in this place there
was hardly room for a person to walk around.  Well, there
was probably enough room for a little Scully to maneuver
around, just not Special Agent Klutz.

He squatted down to gage the salvageability of the probably
priceless, most heavily insured object of her entire home. 
Fuck.  He picked up larger piece first and saw that it was the
bottom half of a costumed body, the smaller piece the head
of a clown with the ugliest face he'd ever seen in his life.  It
was frowning and there were two tears on either side of it's
shiny ceramic face.  Not that he was any kind of aesthetics
expert, but it was horrible.  And it was something he never
imagined Scully owning.  

He stayed hidden behind the couch with the two pieces in
his hand, half considering stuffing it underneath the couch. 
He waited for her to come out of the bathroom to ask what
the hell he'd knocked over this time, but she never did.  The
adult in him won out and he decided against shoving it
under the couch.  He couldn't take the chance she'd dust it
for fingerprints to see who'd broken the family heirloom,
surely worth millions of dollars. 

"Lost your head, too, buddy?"  he asked the inanimate
object.  It just stared back at him with the pathetic frown he
imagined he'd had the night he'd blown it.  The night he'd
finally had the opportunity to do the one thing he had been
imagining, planning out for what seemed like his entire life
and he couldn't make it last more than one stroke.   No
wonder she'd been laughing so much more lately.  He'd
certainly given her enough to laugh at.  They hadn't done
much more than kiss since that night, and Mulder only
allowed himself that indulgence for Scully's sake alone. 
Because she'd look at him in that way if he tried to refuse
her.  At least he knew he couldn't let her down kissing her. 
She always seemed to enjoy that, she made plenty of
noise when they kissed that's for sure.  But he wasn't sure
he would ever be able to make love to her again.  Or if she
even wanted that again.

"You say something to me, Mulder?"  

Shit.  Well obviously she hadn't heard the treasure break. 
Maybe if he could just set it up there, set the head back on
top she wouldn't notice... 

He rose slowly up and was please to find this little bit of
stress had alleviated the erection he'd been working on
before.   "So, uh, what do you wanna do then, Scully?"  He
asked her while wiping off the object with a handkerchief,
realizing at the same time how ridiculous what he was doing
was.  

"You wanna go out?"  He set the clown's bottom half on the
table and tried to merely set the head on top casually.  It fell
immediately and almost ended up on the floor again.  "You
wanna get something to eat or something?"  He looked
around the room quickly and tried to decide where Scully
kept glue. 

"Oh, I thought we could just stay here tonight."

Stay here.  Great.  Maybe he could just shove the thing in
the back of this drawer, he thought as he fished through the
drawer in Scully's desk for adhesive of some form.

"Okay, so um...you wanna get Chinese then?"  Shit, not
Chinese, dumbass.   "Or pizza, we could get pizza instead."

"Maybe later, Mulder, I'm not all that hungry for food right
now."

He was still rifling through the desk drawer.  No fucking
glue?  Not even a roll of scotch tape?  Where the hell would
she keep stuff like that?

He turned around with the intention of heading for the
kitchen drawers, but stopped himself dead.  She was in the
room.  He thought her voice seemed a little louder.  His
mind kicked into the alibi mode that he didn't think he'd used
since he lived at home.  Well you see, Scully, there was this
big breeze, and a truck and a plane went by, and...

He lifted his head to break the news to her.  "Scully, I..."

In the back of his mind, he was sure he'd heard a crash. 
Broken glass it sounded like.  But he wasn't sure, for
standing before him in the hallway door was a very
thoroughly naked Scully.  

She looked exquisite.  A perfect, beautiful creature of light. 
He was dumbstruck and nearly overcome with the need to
run to her and bury his face between her breasts.

"God, Mulder, what was that?  Careful, there's glass
everywhere, I'm sure."

Glass?  Scully, you're the one that's fucking naked.  Oh shit
she's fucking naked.  As in ready to fuck.  Ready to be
fucked. Oh fuck.

When she was nearer to him and bending down to the floor
Mulder realized that he'd just broke, again, the Scully family
treasure.  This time in thousands of tiny shards all over her
living room floor.  He felt like crying and throwing up the
lunch he and Scully had eaten just a few hours ago.

"Scully, I am SO sorry.  I didn't mean...it just broke, I
was...and it fell...and, God I'm so sorry.  Whatever it cost,
just let me know, I'll give you the money for it.  I'm just sorry,
sorry, I'm sorry."

She stayed squatted on the floor, just looking at the broken
pile and began to shake.  Great.  She was crying.  Naked
and crying.  And he was standing there, the idiot klutz,
working on another Scully-induced hard-on.

He couldn't decide whether or not to join her on the floor to
comfort her.  First because he felt like such an ass and
second, she was fucking naked.  

Then she made a noise.  The strangest noise he could ever
remember her making, aside from the ones she'd made
when he brought her to orgasm in the hospital.  It was like
an inhaled scream that got caught in her chest.  Kind of like
the noise a horse makes or maybe even a...donkey?  She
did it again.  And again.  And then Mulder realized she
wasn't crying at all.   She was laughing.  

She started to lose her balance and held out her arms to
keep from falling forward into the pile of broken pieces.  
She rocked back and forth for a second and ended up falling
backwards on her ass.  It surprised her a second and she
looked up at Mulder, still standing there in absolute
confusion.  Then she let in to a full bodied, full-voiced
laughing fit.  Her face turned red and her eyes teared.

"Oh, Muld-"  She couldn't talk she was so out of control.

Mulder smiled uncomfortably and shifted back and forth on
his feet, still confused and trying to appear casual about the
fact that his dick was trying to rip a hole through his jeans. 
He'd made Scully laugh.  Whatever the hell he'd done, he'd
made her laugh.  And it was the biggest turn on in the world
for him.

"So," he said when it looked like she'd calmed down a bit,
"You're not, you're not upset?"

She showed him her red, teary eyes and shook her head. 
"Do you know how long I've been trying to get rid of that ugly
thing?"

"Why do you have it?"

"My aunt, my mom's sister, she gave it to me when I
graduated from Quantico.  She was the only person I got a
present from for that graduation.  I mean, I'd had a party
once every four years three times already, there was no
point to having one for that but she thought I needed to get
something for it.  So she made me that.  That ugly-assed
John Wayne Gasey freak me out of my mind clown!"  She
laughed again.  "I've been trying to bring myself to feel good
about getting rid of it."

"So you're not upset then?  You're sure?"

"No, I'm glad. I hated that thing.  Gave me the creeps.  I just
had it out because she and my mom had been over together
the other day."

"You should have told me sooner, Scully, I could have
broken it a long time ago."   He stood there several minutes
with the same silly grin on his face, hypnotized by the way
her breasts bounced as she fell into a quiet giggling fit
again.  He was almost wanted to ask her if she'd just laugh
for him when ever he wanted to, it was so fucking hot to him. 
Worlds sexier than any naked dancer in a bar he'd ever
seen.  

It occurred to him then that she should probably get off the
floor before she ended up with glass in that perfect,
milky-white, smooth as satin skin.  He cleared his throat and
offered his hand, having to consciously keep himself from
dropping to the floor and groping her like a maniac.

"You'd better get up before you get cut."

She took his hand and instead of letting him help her up,
she pulled him closer to her.  Holding his head with her
hands, she kissed him, not letting him pull away for several
moments.  When she was finally through with him, she
moved his head back and whispered, "I wanna take a bath."

"Bath?  Oh, okay, I'll uh, I'll just watch TV or something, I
can order food while you're in there and it'll be here when
you're done."

"Mulder," she whispered low in her chest.  "I don't want
food."

She stood up and headed for the bathroom.  "And besides,
I'm gonna probably need your help in there."

"My...my hel-" He twitched and had to stop himself from
moving his hand to his crotch as he straightened up again. 
"My help?"

She turned back toward him and nodded, taking him by the
wrists and leading him into her bathroom.  Mulder was
suddenly very nervous.  He'd never given a woman a bath
before, what the did hell he knew about helping a woman
bathe?  Was there something special he needed to know? 
Would he look like a total idiot standing in there, clueless as
to what to do?  Besides she was naked, what if he...again...
 
He willed himself in his brain to tell his dick to just forget
about it, that it'd just have to work it out with his balls what
they thought they were going to do about the situation,
because he refused to be humiliated like that again.  There
would be no incidents like that again, not in front of her. 
Right now she just wanted a bath.


xxxxxx

"Uh, Scully, I have to tell you something."

What was it now, Mulder?  Had he broken something else in
her home, something decidedly more important? Was he
going to tell her yet again that he had to go home, even
though he had yet another tremendous erection?  She
turned slowly from the bath and gave him a cautious, "Yes?"

He looked straight at her breasts and Scully felt a warm
surge pass through her and settle between legs.  She
watched his eyes drift lower and then quickly away.  He
picked up a bottle of her bath oil and studied it as he said, "I
don't...I don't really know how to do this."

"Do what?"

He stood there staring at the bottle in his hand and said
nothing.  "Mulder, what the hell are you talking about?  What
do you mean you don't know how to do this?"

He still said nothing.  He seemed to be really avoiding
looking her straight on and Scully wondered if the fact that
she was naked was what was making him so uncomfortable. 
But that didn't make any sense given the other night.  How
could he still be so shy?  After what all he'd done to her,
after the way he'd made her feel.

She knew though that it was his little misfortune that was still
bothering him, making him feel inadequate.  Even though
she'd adamantly insisted that it was fine, that he'd been a
wonderful lover, she knew he wouldn't feel good about it
until he had an opportunity to redeem himself.  She decided
she would give him that tonight.

He still hadn't answered her, though.  "Mulder?"

He extended the hand with the bath oil and pointed toward
the bath.  "This.  The bath, your bath.  I don't really know
what I'm doing?"

A laugh crept up on her before she was able to swallow it
down.  "My bath?  That's what you're worried about?"  As
though she wanted to get clean.

He raised his face to her finally and gave her what she
thought must be his singlemost pathetic look.  She felt heat
creeping up through her neck, a throbbing in her nipples.  It
was incredibly sexy.  "Well, Mulder," she said quietly, "First
of all, the oil won't get me clean."  She sauntered over to
him and took the bottle from him.  

Opening it, she passed the bottle under his nose.  He shut
his eyes and smiled.  "But it will," she took his hand and put
a drop of the oil in his palm, "Make my skin soft."

"It is soft," he said almost audibly.

It thrilled her to hear him tell her that, made her need to be
touched more urgent.  She took his hand by the wrist and
placed it on her breast.  "Well, then, softer."  

A little hissing sound came from Mulder's open mouth and
his eyes shot open to see what his hand was doing.  He
massaged her breast with increasing pressure and Scully
could feel the oil dripping between them, down her belly. 
Her own eyes drifted shut to concentrate on the incredible
pleasure of it.  She hummed and sighed and then felt more
moisture dripping, this time on her other breast.  She
opened her eyes to see Mulder, the most intense
concentration on his face, pouring more oil on her body.

This time he used both hands, one on each breast, to
spread the oil all over them, carefully covering the entire
area.  Starting at the sides, he used three fingers, making 
tiny circles, moving closer and closer to the nipples.  Then
he would stop just short of there and move back.  He
repeated the motion, never touching her nipples until finally
Scully felt her body pushing toward him.

But instead he took his hands completely away and she
couldn't help but bite back a whimper.  She looked at his
face again to see a small smile amid the concentration.  He
was pouring yet more oil on his hands, much more than was
even necessary.  Scully felt something dripping down her
legs and she wondered idly if it was her or the oil.  

It didn't matter, though.  His hand were back on her breasts
again, palms flat, spreading the oil all over as though he
were slathering some kind of plaster casting on her.   He
moved his hands around to her back and made circles down
to the curve of her ass.  He stopped there.  

"More.  Further." she begged and got up on her toes.

He groaned and moved quickly down and massaged her
there.  She closed her eyes again and pressed herself
directly against him for the first time, burying her face in his
chest.  He continued to knead at her ass and she bit at his
skin through his shirt.  She moaned again when he pushed
himself into her belly.

She had been enjoying seducing him before because he
seemed so miserably helpless and it was so damn fun to 
see him like that over her.  But right now she couldn't hear,
she couldn't see, she could barely breathe.  All there was
was the feel of his huge hands on her body.

There was a tickling at the skin of her neck and it took her a
moment to realize it was Mulder, his nose pressed there. 
He wasn't trying to kiss her, but merely breathing steadily
and deeply, making the tiniest of groans with every exhale in
the back of his throat.  It was just as phenomenal feeling as
his kiss.

His hands drifted lower, nearer to her thighs.  He pushed
between them and she moved her legs further apart so that
he could, would go further.  He stayed on her thighs, moving
his entire body down hers as he moved his hands up and
down her inner thighs.  She whimpered and took hold of his
wrists behind her to guide them further upward.  When the
tips of his fingers found their way in her entrance, her head
fell back on a moan and she grabbed the sink behind her to
catch her balance.

He continued this, mixing her own juices with the oil and
smoothing it all up toward her clit and back down again. 
Upon every return to her clit, she pushed her self into his
hand to heighten the sensation for the little while he would
linger there.  Problem was, though,  he kept moving away. 
The next time he moved up there, she cried, begging, "Stay. 
There.  Please."

Instead he took one hand away and as she groaned with
frustration he shoved three fingers inside her and brought
his other hand between them, using it to rub her clit.

"Ah-Ohhh!" she gasped and leaned her body fully against
the sink, waiting for those incredible sensations he'd given
her the other night, the one she swore sometimes she could
still feel, to shake her soul again.

"Right there, Scully?" He panted out.  "Is that it, baby?"

"Yeeah, yeeahss, yes...ah. Oh Mmuldeh..." she swallowed
hard and began pushing herself even harder, even faster
into his hand.  Almost.

He pumped with his right hand and pushed with his left and
it was better and better and...

And then he stopped, pulling his hands away from her. 
"Mulder?"  Her eyes were tearing and the burn in her center
was nearly painful.

"Scully," he breathed.  "Scully, I'm sorry.  I gotta...uh...ow..." 
He had his shaking hands on the fly of his jeans.  "I gotta get
these off, Scully, it...ah...it hurts."

He was being so careful as he slowly undid each of the
buttons on his jeans, Scully momentarily forgot herself in
feeling sorry for him.  She wasn't sure if she should try to
help him or not.  She didn't want to upset anything.  God
knew he wouldn't deal well with a repeat of their first time.

end part one

Desideratum III:  After 
     by Rachel Anton and Laura Blaurosen
part 2/5

The way his cock sprang free when his pulled his jeans and
underwear down was almost comical.  It was the highest he
thought he'd ever seen it.  He was gonna have to be careful. 
Real careful.  Scully was gonna get a worthy fuck out of him
if he had to have a coronary in order to give it to her.

He stepped out of his jeans and underwear, kicking them
aside.  Again, as Scully pulled his shirt off, he felt a charge
of excitement at the fact that his dirty clothes were on
Scully's bathroom floor.  His cock twitched.  

Scully licked at one of his nipples and he grabbed her ass
again.  When she cried out and something inexplicable
came over him.  He lifted her up onto the sink and shoved
himself inside.

She cried out again and he was just about to apologize for
his abruptness when she started to squirm around him.  
She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and started
rocking herself back and forth on him.  It was incredible. 
She felt incredible.  

Breathe, Mulder.  Remember to breathe.  In.  Out.  In.

God, nobody, nobody had ever felt like this.  It was almost
as though it was his first time, it was all so different.  Even
more different than that disaster in the hospital.  He could
barely recall that anymore.  

Besides this time, this time, he had time.  He could go all
night.  He would go all night.  All night long.

"Mmm..." she whimpered and Mulder couldn't help but speed
up.  Breathe.  Breathe.  He had no idea that it felt like this. 
It had never felt like this.  She was so warm.  And she just
kept getting warmer and warmer and warmer...

"More..." she begged through a sigh.  He grabbed her at the
waist and pulled her to him as he thrust inside her.

"Ohh more, Mulder, please."  Shit, there was that please
again.  How could he refuse her more?  He wouldn't.  He
was gonna go all night.

Except that because of his fun with oil before, he was having
trouble getting a solid hold on her and she kept slipping on
the sink.  Her face was twisting and she kept squirming, still
wanting more.  She wasn't getting what she needed perched
on that sink.

He eyed the door and had a sudden inspiration.  Something
that might help the both of them if he could manage it.  But
he would, he had no choice.

He clutched her to him tightly with both arms and picked her
up, carrying her to the door.  He slammed it shut and backed
her into it.

"Kay?" He asked her.

"Yeah," she nodded quickly and began to shift herself
around him again, digging her heels into the backs of his
thighs.  "Just keep...go-ing."

He pushed into her slowly and evenly, all the while
repeating the word "wait" in his head, over and over.  Her
head was against the door, lolling around.  Her eyebrows
were pinched together and her bottom lip got sucked into
her mouth with her every inward breath.  She was gorgeous.

He let her set the pace and paid close attention to when she
sped up before speeding up his own motions.  She was
huffing more quickly now and starting to let out constricted
moans regularly.

Wait. Wait.  Wait.  Wait.

"No, Mulder, no waiting, I ca-..." she gasped sharply, "Can't
wait."

"Scully...gotta...wait"  He said and then realized she wasn't
talking about him.  He didn't know he'd been saying it out
loud.  How long had he been doing that?  Probably the
whole time.  Oh God and now she must be close.  Breathe,
Mulder, breathe.

Not only did she seem to be becoming increasingly hotter,
she was also getting tighter.  Not good.  She was already so
fucking tight.  That was probably why he'd come so fast the
other night.  He wasn't prepared.  But now he was getting
dangerously close because the pressure around him was
intensifying.

He thought pulling all the way out real quick might help so
he tried it.  OneonethousandTwoonethousandThreeone
thousand.  

"MULDERWHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"  Scully
screamed and frightened him into thrusting back inside her. 
Shit, she was so hot and now she was pulsating around him,
pulling at him with a tightness that was making it nearly
impossible to stroke anymore.  

Oh God and now she was crying his name.  Scully you can't
do that.  Wait wait wait.  

Good, it seemed to have subsided a little.  She was still
incredibly tight, but at least it seemed to have let up.  He
pressed on and she kept calling his name. The faster he
pumped, the faster she said his name.

"Good, Mulder?" he thought he heard her ask.

"Yeah, good.  Real good.  Really really g...ood."  He pumped
faster

"Oh, Mulder, oh...oh God, right there...that's it...oh my God
right there, yeah..."

God, this was incredible.  He'd on a fluke found some angle,
THE spot that felt the best.  He'd made her say it felt good,
right there.  

Oh man, it was happening again, she was getting tighter on
him again.  The warning signal came on in the back of his
head that told him these could very well be his last few
strokes.  Wait wait wait wait.

"MULDER!  Oh god oh god oh god...Muldermuldermulder...
yeah...Mulder yes Mulderyes Mulderyes oh..."

Mulder pumped on, the strokes getting ever quicker and
shorter.  He tasted his sweat as several drips of it landed on
his tongue.  His lungs were starting to feel like they did
after he'd been running a long time.

"Mulder."  She was still calling his name.

"Mulder."  Stroke.

"Mulder." Stroke.

"MULDER!"  That time he realized she was trying to get his
attention.

"Wha?"  He panted into her face.

"Okay."

"Okay? What?  You don't like it?"

"No Mulder, it WAS good,"  she panted back.  "Oh,
Mulder...incredible."

WAS? "So it's...over then?  No more?"

"Mulder, I think it was twice as it is." Twice?  

But the fact that he hadn't realized it was far outweighed by
the fact that he knew he'd fucked her and made her come
twice.  Then it hit him.  Of course she'd come.  That was
why she felt like she was getting tighter, dumbass.  He was
certain now that that was the first time he'd ever made any
woman come that way.

And not any woman.  His Scully.  

"Go ahead, Mulder," he heard her say into his ear.  "It's your
turn.  You certainly deserve it.  Give it to me, baby."

That was all he needed to lose total control.  He ripped into
her, pounding her into the door quicker than he thought he
was capable.  Three short strokes was all it took and he shot
inside her, his whole body seeming to be pulled into her
from the intense pressure.  He grunted and screamed her
name, keeping up his movements until finally slowing to a
halt.

xxxxxx

Scully waited as long as she could to give Mulder some time
to recover but eventually her legs grew sore and her back
cramped. She slipped him out of her and straightened out
her legs so that her feet touched the floor once more. He
didn't move. His forehead was resting on the wall behind
her and his whole body was sagging against her as he
struggled to regain his breath. She was actually amazed he
was in such good shape. She'd been seriously afraid he was
going to have some kind of cardiac event fucking the life
out of her like that. Leave it to Mulder to overcompensate.

She slipped out from under him and he spun around to face
her, leaning his back against the wall. He looked about
ready to collapse to the floor but miraculously he managed
to hold himself up. 

He watched as she turned the water on in the tub, filling it
as she'd planned on doing in the first place.

"I think I really need a bath now Mulder."

"Hmm...bath..." he nodded.

"Are you hungry, Mulder? Cause I'm starving."

"Hmm...hungry..." He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply
and she wondered if he would ever speak coherently again. 

"Mulder, do me a favor and go order that pizza you were
talking about before. It'll probably take at least an hour at
this time of day so we'll have time to take a bath."

"Hmm...bath..."

"Mulder go, I'm hungry," she ordered in her most officious
tone. It seemed to register somewhere in him because he
stumbled his way out of the bathroom mumbling something
about slave driving sex maniacs under his breath. 

She tied her hair up in a bun and poured some bubble bath
under the running tap for Mulder's benefit. Poor guy had
probably never allowed himself the luxury of a bubble bath
in his life. When the tub was full she turned the water off
and heard him attempting to call in their order from the
other room. He managed to sputter out "Large, the works,
thick crust" but he struggled on her address and she had to
call it out to him. Numbers seemed to be eluding him at the
moment. She'd never understood the power amazing sex
had to render even the most intelligent of men completely
idiotic. She felt more energized and alert than she had in
ages.

She walked around the bathroom, lighting a few scented
candles and turning off the light. Then she sank into the
scalding hot water with a sigh. It felt amazing, just what her
body needed after that. She leaned against the back of the
tub, closed her eyes and let her arms rest on the sides.
Perfect. Absolutely perfect. She was safe, she was home,
she had a bubble bath, a pizza on the way, and a Mulder in
her living room. How much better could life get?

Suddenly she felt a foot poking her and water splashing
around and a bunch of indelicate grunts from the other side
of the tub. She opened her eyes to see Mulder struggling to
squish in on the other side of the tub, on top of the stopper
and the tap. 

"Mulder..."

"I don't...I can't...it...I won't fit..." For some reason he
seemed positively panicked about that.

"Mulder come here. Sit with me. Here, between my legs."
She spread her legs wide and raised her knees against the
sides of the tub. His eyes widened and he gave her a goofy
grin.

"Sounds like a plan Scully."

He stood up and turned around so that his back was facing
her and then he sat back down, right between her legs. Oh
yes, life was good. 

He used her legs as an arm rest and her shoulder as a
pillow. The feel of his back pressing into her was more than
pleasant and even though he was heavy as hell, having his
weight resting on her was wonderful. He sighed contentedly
and closed his eyes. For once she could look down at his
face and she did, enjoying the play of the candlelight on his
features. She picked up the sponge from the shelf next to
the tub and dunked it in the water. Then she started slowly
running it over his chest and shoulders, gently massaging
and washing him. He took a deep breath and let out a long,
low groan and she smiled. Life was very very good.

They sat silently for a few moments and she continued to
wash him in a methodical, almost hypnotizing way. She was
still alert but also somehow, amazingly relaxed. And Mulder
was beyond relaxed. He felt like a pile of mush. None of the
tension that usually wracked his shoulders and neck was
present. Maybe they should just stay in this tub forever.

"Scully have you ever done it up against a door like that
before?" Mulder asked out of the blue. She almost jumped
at the sound of his voice breaking through the peaceful
silence of the moment. It took a little while for her to
register what exactly he'd said. 

"Um...Mulder?" She couldn't imagine why he would ask
such a thing right now. Then again, Mulder was the king of
random questions. His mind was an amazing and
unfathomable thing.

"Like maybe with um...Jack Birnbaum or whatever his name
was?"

Jack who? What the hell was he talking about?

"Mulder...what? Who is Jack Birnbaum?" 

He shrugged in a phony gesture of nonchalance. "Whatever
his name is, that guy, with the...and the...you know what
I'm talking about."

His tone was almost accusatory and she found that she still
in fact had no idea what he was talking about. 

"Mulder, I honestly don't."

He sighed as if there was something wrong with her for not
immediately understanding. 

"You know, with your mom..."

Her mom? How the hell had they gone from sex against the
door to her mom? This was bewildering even for Mulder. 

"Mulder?"

"And Charlie, when they saw..."

"Saw? Saw what?"

"You know..." he shifted around uncomfortably and created
an incredible friction against her. She would have moaned if
she hadn't been so confused. "Saw you...and him...on the
um...on the floor."

Oh God. Not that. He couldn't be talking about that.
Nobody knew about that except her mother and....

"That little shit."

"Scully?"

"I can't believe he told you that story. I'll kill him."

"No, Scully, he was...don't be mad. He was drunk. I was
drunk. We were all drunk. Don't be mad at him. He helped
me find you Scully."

"You were drunk? Mulder, was this the night you "saw"
me?" That would certainly go a long way to explaining the
whole incident.

"Yeah but Scully, that's not...we really did see you Scully."

She sighed and shook her head. There was obviously no
point in arguing with him over that issue. Besides there
were more horrific issues to be dealt with. 

"I can't believe he told you that story."

"He thought I knew about it already. He thought we
were...intimate, that you would have told me." 

Even if they had been intimate at the time she doubted she
would have ever told Mulder a story like that. What the hell
had Charlie been thinking? She would have to kill him.
There was no way around it. 

"So...you never answered my question Scully."

And this is exactly why she never would have told him. He
would want to know all the gory details and probably torture
himself worrying over whether he was as good as the other
men she'd been with. And honestly she couldn't remember if
she and Jeff had done it against the wall. It was all so long
ago.

"Mulder, why do you want to know. What difference does it
make?" 

He shrugged and turned his head towards her a little bit.

"I dunno Scully, now that we are um, intimate, I want to know
everything there is to know about you."

"Everything Mulder? Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Everything."

She didn't even know where to start. Certainly against the
wall with Jeff wasn't the best place. 

"Scully was he...was that um, the time?"

"The time?"

"Yeah, you know um...the only time."

"Only time with Jeff you mean?" Surely he couldn't mean the
only time in her life. If he did, this conversation was going to
be more difficult than she'd imagined. 

"Um, no I mean like, the only time up until then, like were
there times before that?"

"With Jeff?"

"No, I mean...with anybody."

Ah, THE time.  

"Are you asking me if that was my first time Mulder?"

"Um, yeah, yeah I suppose."

She wondered how he would feel about the truth. Would he
feel better if it had or hadn't been? She tried to figure out the
best thing to tell him but he was so unpredictable, who knew
what he wanted to hear? Besides, she could never really lie
to him anyway. 

"Well then, no. It wasn't my first time."

"Oh."

Great. Wrong answer. For God knows what reason. 

"Well, um...was it, was he..."

"No."

"Oh."

Why, oh why was he doing this? She realized it probably
didn't even matter what her answers were. He would find a
way to twist them around and torment himself.

"So, um...who then?"

She sighed reluctantly and wondered if the rest of the night
was going to be an elaborate game of twenty questions. It
wasn't that she didn't want him to know about her life, it
was just that everything she said seemed to hurt him
somehow.

"His name was Karl. I met him in Germany when my dad
was stationed there."

She felt his back stiffen against her as he sucked in a gasp.
"When your dad...Scully, weren't you like thirteen when
your dad was in Germany?"

"I was thirteen when we got there yes."

"Scully...please tell me you didn't lose your virginity when
you were thirteen." 

"I didn't lose my virginity when I was thirteen."

He let out a deep breath and relaxed against her again. She
hated to burst his bubble so to speak, but he seemed to
want to know.

"I was almost fifteen."

"Almost? You mean you were fourteen?" He sounded as
horrified as her mother might have, had she known. His
shoulders were feeling more and more tight and tensed.

"And a half."  For some reason this seemed very important.
He shook his head and she started massaging his back and
chest with the sponge again. "Does that bother you for some
reason, Mulder?"

"Bother...um....n...no. It doesn't um...I mean, well...how old
was he Scully?"

"He was sixteen. And a half."

"Oh." Oh was quickly turning into her least favorite word.
She wondered once again what the hell was bothering him
about this so much. He'd been the one to bring it up after
all. 

"Mulder..."

"That's just...it's pretty young Scully. I mean...I dunno."

"Yeah I guess it is. I was kind of in a hurry to grow up."

"I mean it's really really...Mmm..." he sighed as she
continued her meticulous washing and closed his eyes,
relaxing against her. She wondered hopefully if that was the
end of his barrage of questions. For a brief moment she was
certain he was through but then he opened his mouth to
speak again and she decided to cut him off at the pass.

"What about you Mulder? Who was your first?" 

"Um...oh, you uh, you wanna talk about me?"

"Well Mulder, it's only fair."

"Um...she was...an older woman."

Scully wasn't surprised at that for some reason. She waited
for him to continue but he fell silent again. 

"Well, how old were you Mulder?"

He sighed and cleared his throat. He seemed to suddenly
find the bubbles fascinating. 

"Mulder?"

"Scully, did you ever see that Brady Bunch episode where
they put the bubbles in the washing machine and.."

"Mulder! How old were you?"

"I was...not as young as you were." 

"I guessed that much." 

He nodded as if this were a sufficient answer and started
playing with bubbles again.

"So um...Mulder, are you gonna answer the question or am
I the only one that has to be honest here?"

Her tone was a little harsher than she'd intended and it
made her realize that she really was getting genuinely
annoyed. He wanted to know "everything about her" and yet
reveal nothing of himself. Did he really feel like she would
judge him over something like this?

"I don't...that's not...Scul-lee," he whined and shifted again
and she smiled. Annoying or not, he was adorable. 

"Mulder, you should never ask a question you're not
prepared to answer yourse..."

"Twenty-one. I was twenty-one years old okay?"

end part2

Desideratum III:  After 
     by Rachel Anton and Laura Blaurosen
part 3/5

Scully smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

"See now, was that so hard?" 

He shrugged and sighed again. 

"I dunno Scully, it's kind of old for a guy, ya know."

"Mulder, do you honestly think I care? Or think any less of
you for it? I think it's wonderful that you waited until you
were mature enough..."

"No Scully, you don't understand. It wasn't like a choice I
made. You think I didn't wanna get laid until I was
twenty-one? Scully, every teen-aged guy wants to get laid.
Every single one. I was just too awkward, too disturbed,
nobody wanted to come near me."

Scully felt tears stinging the back of her throat but managed
to hold them back. The last thing he would want was for her
to cry over this. It was just so sad that he could ever think
of himself that way, that other people thought of him that
way. She wished that people had appreciated what a
wonderful person he was at some point in his life. Then
again, not everyone saw the sides of him that she did. She
was a lucky woman. She dropped the sponge into the water
and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, squeezing him
tight and placed a kiss on the back of his neck. His skin was
wet and warm.

"So, how old was she Mulder? You said she was an older
woman."

"Oh um, she was."

"Well...how much older?"

"Um...old."

"Mulder it wasn't some gray-haired little old lady was it?"

"Scully! Jeez, of course not. She was about thirty-seven. Or
thirty-eight. I dunno, I'm not even sure. She was um..."

He muttered something utterly unintelligible under his
breath.

"She was what?"

"Teacher, she was my teacher."

"Mmhmm I'll bet."

"Alright, you want me to kick your ass Scully?"

"Hey, I'm not complaining. She did a good job." 

They both laughed and she was so glad. He seemed to
have recovered from his momentary lapse into melancholy. 

"So you boinked the teacher Mulder?"

"Scully...it wasn't like that...I mean, I dunno, I thought she
loved me."

"She didn't?"

"No, she, well it turned out that she was married actually
which she neglected to tell me until after we'd been sleeping
together for a month."

His voice was light and she could tell whatever bitterness he
might have felt over the incident was long gone but she felt
suddenly very angry. How could anyone have taken
advantage of him like that? She got an image of a young
innocent Fox Mulder trying desperately to please this
woman, needing acceptance so badly it hurt and she almost
started crying again. 

"Oh Mulder...I don't...I don't know how she could have not
loved you..." she choked out, her voice betraying her
feelings. "I don't know how anyone could not love you."

"Hey shhh, it's okay Scully."

He turned his face towards her and smiled. "It's really okay,
I don't really care if anyone else in the universe loves me as
long as you do."

"I do," she whispered and leaned down to kiss his lips
gently. When she pulled back he was still grinning. He
snuggled back into her and squeezed her legs and she felt a
tremor of excitement. And more unbidden curiosity.

"So Mulder, you up for another question?"

"Only if you're prepared to answer it yourself, Scully."

This stopped her but only momentarily. If he could handle it
then so could she. And vice versa.

"How many people, not counting me, have you been with?"

"Been with, Scully? Um...that's kind of a tricky question..." 

"How is that a tricky question?"

"Well, I mean, I'm not exactly sure..."

"Too many to count Mulder?"

He barked out a short laugh and shook his head. "Not by a
longshot Scully. I just, I'm not sure what...what you would
consider...I mean I think...maybe five..."

"Should I be more specific with my question?"

"Uh yeah. Yeah I guess so."

"Did you stick your pee pee in their wee wee, Mulder?"

"So that's what doctors call them. Well, if that's the strict,
scientific definition then I guess six although I don't...I don't
normally count the um, the last one as such..."

"Mulder, I don't even think I wanna know."

"No, no you don't. Hey Scully, can I bring my rubber ducky
over here sometime?"

"Mulder, did you pay for it?"

There was a long breathless silence then finally a sigh of
resignation. "You really are psychic, Scully.  Maybe we
ought to open another X-file on you."

She laughed through her nose.  "Not psychic. Just a woman.
A woman who knows you."

"All too well apparently."

She squeezed him again to let him know that this revelation
neither surprised nor concerned her. It was something she
could see him doing at a moment of desperation and
loneliness, needing release but feeling completely unworthy
of true intimacy, feeling a way she hoped he would never
feel again.

"So Scully..." he began and she felt a pang of anxiety. She
was next. He was obviously going to ask her the same
stupid question and she'd have to be as honest as he'd 
been. And how would he feel about that? She'd almost been
hoping that he'd been with a ton of women, enough to make
her number seem paltry, enough to make him feel like he
didn't have a damn thing to worry about. 

"Do you really have a rubber ducky, Mulder?"

"Diversion will get you nowhere."

"How about distraction?" she asked, running her tongue
around the outside of his ear.

"Mmmhhmmm," he moaned, temporarily distracted. But only
temporarily. "So did you use this technique on Jeff Bumfold
when he asked you if you were really twenty-one?" 

"Fifteen," she blurted out. 

"What? He thought you were fifteen?"

"No, that's...that's the number."

"Oh..."

"It's not really that many considering how young I was when
I started."

"No...no, of course..."

She could practically hear the wheels turning in his head,
counting the ones he knew about, trying to fill in the blanks.
There were a lot of blanks. Blanks Scully didn't feel entirely
up to discussing tonight. Most of them centered around her
senior year in high school and her undergraduate years.
She could count on her left foot the number of people she'd
been with since she'd started med school and still have a
couple toes left over.

"Scully how many...how many since we met?" He sounded
small and terrified. She hadn't even bothered to ask him the
same question. There were some things she really did not
want to know.

"None."

"None? Really? What about tattoo?"

Shit! She'd totally forgotten, hadn't even included that
miserable encounter. How could she have forgotten?

"Mulder, I never had sex with tattoo. He's too short, even
for me." 

"Scully..."

"I know, I know. I kind of didn't really count that. I mean,
I've kind of blocked it out."

"Scully, you have a memento of it branded onto your back."

"That's a separate thing to me. I just...I don't really like to
think about the sex, Mulder. It was so awful."

One of the worst moments of her life in fact, had been
looking up into the deranged visage of Ed Jerse and trying
like bloody hell to conger the image of the man she was
talking to right now, realizing what she was doing, trying to
stop, and then trying to start again when she realized there
was no other way. 

"Awful...really?"

"Awful. Probably the worst. Ever."

"Scully....Scully...." he took a deep breath and let it out
again. "Scully....why?"

Good question, profile man. Maybe you can figure it out for
me.

"I don't...I don't really know exactly."

"Oh."

Well, she had some vague ideas but she wasn't up for self-
psychoanalysis tonight either. She'd done enough of that
lately. There was one very obvious reason though that she
felt might make him happy to hear.

"I dunno, Mulder, I think part of it was that I was so damned
frustrated. It had been so long. And Mulder, spending every
waking hour with you, I was just so...horny. Ed made me
realize though that it was a horniness reserved strictly for
you. You've ruined me for other men, Mulder." 

"Good," he said with such sincerity and force she wanted to
cry again for ever making him doubt. 

"I only wanted you Mulder, from the day I met you, only you.
It was just agonizing living side by side and feeling like I
couldn't let myself have that..."

"I know the feeling, Scully."

She laughed at the two of them. The king and queen of
denial on their watery throne. 

"So, Scully, what else did you do to um...relieve the
tension?"

"Spent a lot of quality time with my good buddy, William."

"Whose William?" he demanded and she smirked at his
ludicrous jealousy.

"William's my vibrator, Mulder." 

Mulder proceeded to launch into an extended coughing fit
followed by a nervous giggle.

"I named it that in your honor since it was purchased in
your honor."

"Scully...Jesus." She didn't need to see his face to know
that he was blushing. 

"Sometimes William wasn't convenient though, so I got to
know my hands real well."

"Scully...did...did you do that a lot?"

"Define a lot."

He laughed and shook his head.

"I think I did it a lot Mulder. Especially on cases. That was
the worst."

"You...you mean not just, you didn't just do it in your
house?"

"Of course not Mulder I..." she gazed down at him and
noticed that the bubbles were starting to recede a bit.
Enough to expose the fact that he was hard as a rock under
the water. Time to have some fun.


end part 3

Desideratum III:  After 
     by Rachel Anton and Laura Blaurosen
part 4/5

Scully, vibrator. Scully and a vibrator. Scully bought a
vibrator. Scully went to a store and bought a fucking
vibrator. His Scully, in some sleazy dingy sex shop buying a
fucking vibrator, for Christ's sake. Mulder was still trying to
work around this image and concept in his head, trying to
convince himself that maybe she ordered it out of a
catalogue, when she started talking about her hands. Her
hands and her vibrator on cases, CASES, with him. Not just
in her house, no, but out on cases in hotels, motels, with
paper thin walls, sleeping practically right next to him, she
had done this. A lot. Maybe at the same times he had been
doing it, just a few inches of wood between them. 

Mulder looked down and discovered he had his own few
inches of wood to contend with at this thought. And she was
still talking.

"When we were on cases Mulder, it was too much. I couldn't
wait until I got home. Sometimes I couldn't even wait till we
got back to the hotel."

For a minute, the way she said the words distracted him so
completely, he didn't even register what she'd said. There
was a timbre to her voice that he'd never heard before, not
even that night in the hospital when she'd been driving him
crazy. That had been an intimate, sexy tone. This was
something beyond that. It was...oh man, what did she just
say?

"Scully?" 

Couldn't wait till they got back to the hotel? What the hell
did that mean? Had she done it like he had, in public
restrooms, alleys, anywhere he could find where he could
be alone for two minutes? No, not Scully. Not in an alley. A
vibrator he could deal with but that...no.

"Sometimes Mulder, I couldn't even wait till I was alone."


Okay now...now she was just fucking with him. That had to
be it. She couldn't possibly...he would have known. He
would have had to. He watched her so intently constantly,
when the hell...Jesus Christ what the hell was she talking
about? 

"Could...could you elaborate on that Scully?" 

She laughed, a low throaty sound like syrup and he felt her
moving ever so slightly against his back. He wondered if she
was as wet as he was hard right now.  

"You sure you can handle it Mulder?" 

"No. But tell me. Tell me...when...how...where Scully? Tell
me."

"Well, there was one time, I guess it was about a year ago,
you came to my door at 3 am and dragged me off to some
strange place in the middle of nowhere."

Could you be more specific Scully? That sounded like any
number of Saturday nights in the past six years. 

"Anyway, you woke me out of a very...interesting dream,
involving you and me and a bottle of whipped cream. Your
incessant knocking got me out of bed before my dream
reached...completion and I was...I was so...tense."

She was talking very close to his ear now in that same tone
and he started to wish the bubbles weren't disappearing so
fast. His hand was twitching on her leg, aching to reach
down.

"Cream, Scully?"

"We got in the car and it was so cold, I was so tired, you
gave me your coat to use as a blanket. I curled up under it
on the seat next to you and you started driving.  Mulder...
you're so sexy when you drive. Did you know that?"

He shook his head, completely dumbstruck, and she ran her
left hand down his arm, over his fingers.

"I watched the way your fingers drummed against the
steering wheel in time with the quiet music you had on, the
way you dipped them into the bag of seeds you had and
back to your mouth, your fingers and your lips back and
forth and...God, when your tongue brushed over your lips to
wipe away the salt, all I could think about was that tongue
on me...in me..."

She drifted off into a sigh and ground against his back, more
deliberately this time, and her hand squeezed his with a
passion only their hands were capable of expressing. He felt
like crying. If only he'd known that she wanted him that
badly back then, he would have pulled the car over to the
side of the road and fucked the life out of her. No, that
wasn't even true. He would have started stuttering and
shaking like an idiot and she would have changed her mind.
But still...he would have loved to have known. 

"So what...what did you do Scully?" 

"I pretended to fall asleep so you wouldn't know I was
watching you out of the corner of my eye. And I started
thinking about all the different ways you could take me in
that car. And I started to wonder...what would you do if I
reached over and ran my hand over your cock as you drove
along, would you be angry, aroused, curious..."

Dead, Scully. I would have been dead and so would you
because I would have driven the car off the road and into a
ditch. 

"I sat there for the longest time, so close to touching you, but
so very far. My hands were shaking under your coat from
the effort of not touching you. And then I realized, if I didn't
touch myself I was going to end up doing something very
foolish, very dangerous. So I slipped my hand between my
legs and pressed hard. It felt good Mulder but it wasn't
enough. I needed to feel more. I unzipped my pants and
slipped my hand inside, against the silk panties I was
wearing. I could feel how wet I was through the material. For
you Mulder, just from looking at you. God you make me so
hot Mulder."

She practically moaned the last sentence and her tongue
flicked out and grazed the outside of his ear. He moaned
himself and pressed backwards, hoping to give her some
kind of stimulation. His dick was bobbing up and down in the
water like some kind of perverted buoy and he was having
an increasingly difficult time keeping his hand off it. 

"What...what color?" 

"Color Mulder? You mean my panties?"

"No...car...car color..." he managed, desperate for any clue
as to what night this had been, any kind of memory he could
conger. God had she really fucking done that? Right the
fuck in front of him? This woman was even more brave than
he'd given her credit for. Or more insane. Or more...dirty.
God she was so dirty. It was like getting a pony on
Christmas morning and then realizing not only was it a pony
but it was a pony with magical powers. And wings. And it
could talk. And play cards...

"Mulder, I don't know. I think it was your car not a rental."

"My c...car?" She'd touched herself in HIS CAR? 

"I think so."

"Scully did...did you..." No. God, she couldn't have. He
wasn't that dense. He would have known. He would have.
Surely.

"Even that wasn't enough Mulder. I needed more. I slipped
two of my fingers under my panties and rubbed my clit...like
this..."

She started running her first two fingers in light circles over
his wrist and he ran his other hand up her leg, trying
desperately to reach between them and mimic her
movements. He groaned in frustration when he realized he
couldn't reach her in this position any more than she could
reach him. 

"It felt so good Mulder and so bad. So naughty. I kept
wondering if you would turn around and see me. If you
would hear it, smell it. I was afraid but I think a part of me
wanted you to know. I always wanted you to know how you
made me feel, what you drove me to. But I was a coward
really. When I came I bit down on my lip so that I wouldn't
make a sound. But I shuddered a little bit and I think...I
think you saw that because a minute later you asked me if I
was cold."

When she came. She came. Jesus Christ she came in his
car right fucking next to him. Asked if she was cold, he
asked if she was cold. He scanned his memory frantically,
trying to find an instance when they had been driving in his
car at night and he'd asked if she was cold. It happened all
the fucking time, who the hell would remember that? Shit.

"You did NOT," he insisted emphatically. The whole
scenario, it was too typical, too familiar, she had just taken
an average day in their lives and turned it into this story.
That HAD to be it.

"What do you mean I did not? Do you think I would lie to
you? I would never lie to you Mulder. Never."

"Well, not lie, but you're making it up...teasing me...right?" 

"No Mulder. Wrong. It's true and it's not the only time."

Shit. Fucking shit woman.

"Mulder don't you know what it's like, being so desperate,
needing to be touched so bad you can't even stand it,
needing to touch yourself, no matter how hard you try you
just can't stop yourself? Don't you know that feeling
Mulder?"

She stuck her foot under his knee and pulled the stopper out
with her toes, letting some of the water drain from the tub.

"Uh...are we done here Scully?"

"No Mulder, we're not done. We're just starting."

When the water level had receded to his hips, when his bent
legs and his dick were exposed to the air she pushed the
stopper back. His sex twitched a little from the shock of the
cold air after the hot water, not to mention the shock of her
words.

"Scully?"

"Do it Mulder."

"Do wha....oh shit Scully..."

"You know you want to. And I want you to. I wanna see. I
want you to show me."

"Scully...I don't...I want...I want to touch YOU. I mean, I want
to do something we can both...enjoy."

"Mulder, I will enjoy it. A lot. And if you do, I'll tell you
another story. You wanna hear another story Mulder?"

Brother, she sure did know the right questions to ask. Could
she possibly enjoy seeing that though? Really? She had told
him in the hospital that seeing those photographs of him had
turned her on, even told him she wanted to see it in person
sometime. Would it do the same thing to her that seeing her
had done to him that night? 

He felt her reaching back behind herself and soon her hand
was back next to his holding the bottle of bath oil from
before. Oh shit Scully. Shit, shit, shit.

"Open up," she ordered and he opened his palm and turned
it up automatically. She poured some of the stuff into his
hand and put the bottle down on the rim of the tub. "Do it,
Mulder.  Please."

"Scully...I...." he sat there for a moment, rubbing the oil
around in his palm, wondering if he could really pull this off.
Christ, what if he...there couldn't be anything more
embarrassing than masturbatory premature ejaculation. But
he was just about that close.  One touch and it could all go
to hell. No, he could control himself. He could and he would.
It was his own hand. Jesus. He could at least try to be
somewhat fucking cool for once in his life. 

"Let me tell you another story, Mulder. Maybe it'll inspire
you."

"M'kay," he whimpered pathetically. So much for cool. 
Maybe he could at least look decent. He had an alright
penis. It wasn't completely beyond the realm of possibility
that she would like to watch him.
As long as he didn't screw it up.

"This one was a while ago, a couple years. It was after that
case in Commity, you remember? When we almost
murdered each other. Or fucked each other. Remember?"

He nodded. How could he have forgotten that? 

"It was about a week later. You took me out to dinner, your
treat, I assumed to make up for being such a prick
previously."

Almost right Scully. Not entirely though. He remembered
that night. He remembered that dinner. Clear as a fucking
bell. He had taken her to a small, vaguely romantic, dimly lit
Italian restaurant, yes in hopes of making things better
again, but also for a more selfish and warped reason. He'd
noticed her jealousy over that stupid detective whatever her
name was and despite the fact that a planetary alignment
had partially caused the problem, he hadn't been able to
help taking it as a sign. A sign that maybe, just maybe, she
wanted him, even a little tiny bit. He had taken her out that
night to see if he was right. Well, that had been the plan
anyway. They had spent a lovely evening together talking,
mostly about work but also about one or two personal
things, and eating. It had been absolutely wonderful and the
first off duty time he could remember having spent with her.
But he hadn't really gotten any particular knowledge about
her feelings from it. He'd been to scared to really make
any bold moves that night. But God it was a fun night. One
of his better memories from the past 6 years. 

What the hell could that night have to do with any of this,
though? 

"You remember the dinner Mulder?"

"S...sure. It was um, it was nice."

"Oh it was better than nice Mulder. Do you remember what
you had for dessert?"

"Uh...ice...ice cream?"

"That's right Mulder, very good. Not just any ice cream,
though. It was a hot fudge sundae with a cherry on top,
remember?"

That part he had forgotten. Why in the world would she
remember?

"Do you know that I was watching you all night Mulder?
Watching you drink your wine and suck down your pasta,
shifting in my seat because you were making me so crazy. I
love watching you eat Mulder. It turns me on more than
anything."

Oh man. Had she actually snuck off to the bathroom in the
middle of their meal for that? Or was it another car story,
feigning sleep on the way home? No, he remembered, she
had been wide awake when he'd driven her home that night. 

What the hell, maybe it wasn't the kind of story he was
thinking. Maybe it was just about how she liked eating with
him. That was okay, that was nice. And it made him feel
wonderful to know that she thought of him like that even
back then. 

"When you finished dinner I thought thank God, I can go
home and make myself come just thinking about that little
spot of spaghetti sauce on your lip. But you wouldn't let it
end Mulder. You had to order that sundae."

She did. Oh God she did. She did it somewhere in the
fucking restaurant. He realized that his hand had drifted to
his cock almost without his knowledge. He wrapped his
fingers tentatively around the base and pulled out one long,
slow stroke over the length.

She made a sound he didn't think women really made in real
life, something like a whimper but more....something.

"That's good Mulder. So good...show me more."

He felt both her hands at his shoulders now, massaging him
lightly, encouraging him to relax and go with it. He continued
stroking himself slowly, languidly, gotta take it slow, draw it
out, show some control. He wanted to hear the end of the
story dammit. He kept his free hand on her wet thigh,
squeezing and rubbing the skin. 

"Oh yeah Mulder, God I love your cock."

What the fuck? Was that Scully behind him? She sounded
like...Jesus Christ she sounded like a fucking phone sex
operator or something.

Not that he was complaining. 

He felt her grinding into him again and he pushed back.

"MmmmMulder, you feel so fucking good."

"More Scully...tell me more," he panted, suddenly utterly
breathless.

"Mulder you have a dangerous tongue. Watching you lick
that vanilla ice cream off the spoon, the hot fudge dripping
down your lips, the way you sucked that cherry, God Mulder,
were you trying to make me cry? I'd never seen anything so
sensual in my whole life. I wanted you to lick me like that, to
suck my clit the way you sucked the cherry."

Motherfucker, he was close. Slow down, slow the fuck down.
It was her voice. What the hell was she doing? 

"I couldn't watch it anymore without doing...something. You
wanna know what I did Mulder? Right there in the
restaurant, right across the table from you?"

Right across the...oh God. Oh no. She had to be kidding.
The tablecloth had been pretty long. He remembered
actually thinking himself that it would have been a great
place to get a blow job. But still...she couldn't have.

"That's right baby, right there, I made myself come right in
front of you and you never even knew, right in front of your
face, you were looking right at me Mulder, in the eye."

"Fffuucck," he grunted, his strokes becoming dangerously
erratic and quick. 

"I think you were talking too, something about uranium
mining in the Las Vegas desert. I think it was the way you
said Las Vegas that did me in. I'm not sure why...God
Mulder...you look so good," she moaned and started licking
at his ear, working her tongue around and inside. How could
he have not known? How the fuck could he not have seen
it? Looking right in her eyes for Chrissake. Was he that
dense? Was she that good an actress? Jesus.

"God Mulder, you're so hot...make me so wet, do it faster
Mulder, faster..."

Shit Scully, fucking shit. There was no way he could refuse
her sounding like that, grinding against him the way she
was. He sped up his movements but loosened his grip a
little to compensate. It wasn't time yet. God, not yet.

"Does it feel good baby? You like it?"

"Yahhah," he moaned and nodded. 

"Would it feel better if it was my mouth? Would you like that
Mulder? My tongue tracing circles around your big,
throbbing cock, taking you into my mouth, all the way in,
down my throat, sucking and licking you, tasting your sweet
cum..."

"Scuh-leee," he wheezed, his head thrashing back and forth
on her shoulder as she made more obscene sounds in his
ear. She was certainly observant. His cock was throbbing,
and bigger than it usually looked when he did this. Too
close, too fucking close. He wanted at least one more story.

"Mulder touch your balls with your other hand.  Play with
them."

"Nnnoot...n..no...mo...more...."

"What? No more?"

"Tellmemore," he gasped in one agonizing breath.  She
laughed, moaned, rubbed against him again.

"You want another story? Is that it?"

He nodded and squeaked, unable to create a word after that
exertion.

"Okay, I'll tell you another one. How about a really recent
one? From a couple months ago? Would you like that?"

A couple months ago, after the kiss, before Jane, the time of
his undoing. The time when he hadn't been able to go four
hours without running off to the men's room. The time when
he'd come on the floor of their office. Right the fuck in front
of HER. He wondered if she'd enjoy hearing that little story
as much as he was enjoying this. 

Again, he merely nodded.

"Remember when you went away to the UFO conference
this year? You wanted me to feed your fish remember?"

Another nod and slowing down, calmer more deliberate
strokes.

"Well I did that, but then...I dunno Mulder, something in me
just couldn't resist doing a little...snooping. I looked in your
bedroom Mulder. I'm sorry. I know that's an invasion. I
wanted...I wanted to look at your clothes."

"Cl...clothes?"

"I didn't look in the closets or anything. I didn't need to. They
were strewn all over the place, the floor and the dresser, the
bed..."

Yes indeed. He had a system. Honestly. Clean clothes on
the dresser, dirty on the floor, questionable on the bed.
Dry-cleaned items hung in the closet. But his off duty
clothes, jeans and sweat pants, T-shirts and sweaters, those
were in the piles.

"I looked through them all Mulder. I tried to put things back
where I'd found them but you have quite an inscrutable
system there. Anyhow, while I was perusing something
caught my eye. Your Patriots jersey was hanging off the
edge of your dresser and for some reason, I just...I wanted
it. I wanted to be in it. I thought maybe...maybe you'd been
running in it, or playing basketball, maybe it would smell like
you. So I...I took off all my clothes and..."

"Pant...panties?"

"Yes, panties, bra, everything. Just my skin and that shirt. It
went down to my knees but I remember wishing it could
reach down to my ankles, cover every inch of me. I felt
surrounded by you. And then I went back into the living
room. I looked...I looked through your tapes..."

Tapes? Not those tapes. God Scully, how embarrassing. 

"Do you have any idea how it felt Mulder, sitting on your
couch, watching those movies, thinking of you there..."

"Scu....why?"

"Why? Because I wanted to know Mulder. I wanted to see. I
wanted to watch what you watch and see what you like, what
turns you on, what you think about us doing. And Mulder, I
liked what I saw. I saw us on that screen Mulder, I heard us,
and it made me crazy thinking of you sitting where I was,
doing the same thing. I started running my hands over the
shirt, pretending it was you, that you were sitting there next
to me wearing it and that I was feeling you. I rubbed the
fabric over my skin, pretending it was your skin pressing
against me, everywhere on my body, my breasts. It was so
odd, so arousing, seeing my nipples hardening against
your shirt.  I pressed the material between my legs and
touched my pussy through it. I could feel the wetness
soaking through the cotton."

Wetness..cotton...shirt...pussy, Scully's pussy and his shirt.
His Patriots jersey. He wore that shirt...Jesus Christ he wore
that shirt running all the fucking time. If she had put it back
on the dresser when she was through with it...Fucking A,
he'd worn the fucking thing after that, with her juices still
on it, touching his stomach as he ran.

"Ooohh, that's it Mulder, faster, like that."

She was rotating her hips almost constantly now, pressing
into his back, and her legs were ever tightening around his
waist.

"Scu...uh...did...didjew....didjew come in my sh...shi-hirt?"

"Oh yeah Mulder, I came in your shirt, on your shirt, on your
couch, every....oh....God....everywhere. Mulder...oh Mulder,
I wanna see you come. Come for me now baby, now."

Her thighs were trembling. It was time. There was simply no
delaying it anymore. He reached his other hand between his
legs and stroked his balls as she'd asked earlier. They were
so tight, it was only a matter of seconds.

"Scu...wh...where...where did you put...put it a-after?"

"I put it back where I found it Mulder...the dress..."

"Oh JESUS," he cried as spurts of white fluid began
shooting out of him in every direction. He continued jerking
himself hard and fast, pulling his dick so that it was facing
the ceiling and watching the show, getting the most out of
the moment and grinding into her in the process, causing
her to cry out herself and buck against him. 

"Oh God Mulder, I'm coming," she whimpered into his ear,
causing a few more eruptions from his cock in response. Her
nails dug into his back and she bit down on his ear as she
rode out the waves of her own mysterious orgasm and he
collapsed against her, dropping both his hands into the
water. 

He looked down at himself and noticed a few globs on his
chest and stomach. He wouldn't be surprised if there were a
few on her ceiling. He'd been shooting like a fucking geyser.
And no fucking wonder with the goddess of dirty talk back
there. 

She was still panting and moaning a bit herself. But after a
few moments he felt her hands on his chest, her fingers
dipping into the cum, wiping it off his skin. He turned and
watched her bring her fingers to her mouth and suck them
dry with her eyes closed, a smile of utter satisfaction on her
lips and the sight was enough to bring tears to his eyes.
Enough to make him collapse back against her with a snivel
and to pray to God that this woman never stopped
loving him the way that she did. 

end part 4

Desideratum III:  After 
     by Rachel Anton and Laura Blaurosen
part 5/5


"Mulder.   Mulder, come on, get up.  Get the door."

He just lay there, one hand still on his now limp dick, his
head pressed firmly in the crook of her neck.   His hot breath
spilled over her breasts as he continued to pant heavily.  

"Mulder, come on, before he leaves.  I'm starving."

"Can't," he breathed.  "Can't move.  Just give...me...minute."

His breathing slowed and his head rolled to the side,
snuggling his nose into her neck.

"Uh-uh, don't do that, Mulder," she said as she tried to push
on his back.  "You're gonna fall asleep.  Come on Mulder,
please?  I'm so hungry."

He nodded and rose slowly, eyes still shut as he lifted
himself upright.  Scully couldn't help chuckling at him as she
helped him up by pushing on his ass.  Excepting his outward
appearance, he seemed like some arthritic eighty year old
man trying to get out of the bath.

He lifted one leg over the tub and then the other, plopping
each foot down like a gorilla, and standing there until he
regained his balance.

He looked around the bathroom blindly.  "Towels, Scully?"

"Uh...Oh shit, I don't have any big clean ones, I forgot.  I
needed to do laundry since before...just...just use my robe."  

He grabbed the satin, magnolia-covered garment and turned
toward her again with a "you've gotta be kidding me" look.

"Why don't you go out there?"

"I'd be naked under there, Mulder.  You want the pizza boy
to have a peek at my wet breasts pressing through my
robe?"

He gave her a miserable look that said he wanted neither of
those options.  The doorbell rang again.  "Mulder, hurry. 
He's gonna leave." 

He quickly put the robe on and tried to cover up the
necessary areas, swearing the whole time because it was so
small and sticking to his wet skin. The sleeves ended
somewhere around his elbow and the bottom barely reached
his mid-thigh. "I feel like fucking Cary Grant in the
Philadelphia Story."

"And you look just as handsome. Now go fetch my supper, 
boy."

He grimaced but he went.

She was now convinced there was absolutely nothing that
man would not do for her. From the largest, most vital parts
of her existence to the simplest and the silliest, he was there
for her one hundred and twenty percent. Was there another
man in the universe who would save her life, kill for her, die
for her, endure her insanity, her abuse, come back for more,
keep loving her, save her from herself, get her pizza
dressed in a size 3 silk robe from Victoria's Secret?  She
knew Mulder thought she was a saint for putting up with him.
He was really the saint though. Her lunatic savior. 

She thought of Jane for the first time in a long while. She
didn't feel her usual tremor of fear at the thought, she felt a
strange and deep sympathy. She and Mulder, they thought
they were better than people like Jane. They spent their
lives trying to catch them, prosecute them for their crimes,
protect society from them. But in the end, they really weren't
all that different. Love was an insanity, as plain as any other.
Mulder really hadn't acted much differently than Jane might
have through this entire thing..  So crazed with the thought
of protecting her, of avenging her wrongdoers, Mulder would
have surely killed Jane had Charlie not been there to stop
him.  

And she herself couldn't help but sympathize with Jane even
for all the awful things she'd done to her.  She could not
honestly admit that she wouldn't do all of those things if it
was for Mulder's sake.  She had done things she never
would have even imagined doing before knowing Mulder. 

Including falling in love with him.  She had lied for him, killed
for him, gone to any lengths in order to save his life, she'd
even sung for him.  She laughed out loud at herself at that
memory.  Only for Mulder would she have done such a
thing.   

She shivered when a cool breeze came in through the
bathroom window.  The wind was blowing through the trees
in, signaling that rain was immanent, perhaps even a storm.  

She got out of the tub and let what was left of the water out. 
She watched it swirl out down the drain and felt a bit sad. 
She wasn't ready for their time in the tub to be over so she
plugged the drain again and ran the water.  

The sea is good for your soul, her father would say to her
often, especially when he would come home on shore leave. 
He said coming back was like a fresh start every time
because he had taken what troubled him and left them in the
water.  Likewise, he would often take her to the ocean when
she was feeling down, just her and dad, and he'd tell her to
clean it off, let it go into the ocean, because the water would
always wash the bad things away, leaving not emptiness,
but a cleaner version of the good that was there before.  A
fresh start with the old, another chance to make things
perfect.

Whatever it was that Rena had done for her seemed nearly
miraculous, but Scully was want to know if Rena's 'magic'
was what actually made her better.  Or if it was mainly her
own intense desire to make things new again.  To be able to
just put the Donnie Pfasters, the smoking men, the diseases,
and the Janes far behind her forever in order to be happy,  
and be happy with Mulder.  

Another breeze came through the window and this time she
could smell the rain that had begun to fall.  Her teeth
chattered and she put her hand under the running tap to
warm herself. She shut out the bathroom light again and
sunk into the tub of fresh water.  Her hair had long since
come undone and she let it just fall into the water, closing
her eyes briefly as she waited for Mulder's return.

xxxxxx

"Alright, keep your pants on, wouldja?  I'm comin already."

She'd sure as hell better appreciate this, Mulder thought as
he took a deep breath, preparing himself to open the door.

"Looks like you could take your own advice," the tall and
muscular, dark haired delivery guy taunted him.

"Just give me the pizza already will ya?"  Mulder responded
with affected annoyance, hoping to convey some degree of
masculinity to the guy, despite his questionable attire.

"$18.64."

Oh, money, yeah.  Out of habit, Mulder reached behind him
to get his wallet.  Realizing again he was wearing a woman's
robe, he smiled uncomfortably.  "Just a minute, I've gotta
find-"  

He looked around Scully's apartment and tried desperately
to remember where it was that she had taken his jeans off
at.  It would have been simple, if he could only see.  Or
walk.  He still felt like he'd been hit by a truck. His limbs
were shaking like jello.

"Ah just a minute, I gotta find...uh..."

"Money?"

"Right.  Money.  Lemme just...I don't know where my
part...ner... keeps"  

"Scully!  Where's some money?"  He called to the bathroom,
but he only heard the running of the water in the tub.  He
looked at the pizza guy, who raised his eyebrows at him and
sighed in impatience.  "Not my house.  My part-ner's..."
Mulder cut himself off, realizing for the first time that he
didn't know what to call her anymore.  His girlfriend?   That
seemed so junior high.  His lover?  Yeah, this is Dana
Scully, we work together and she's also my lover.  That
wasn't right either.

"Listen, it ain't none of my business what goes on in the
privacy of peoples' lives, just give me the money so I can get
the hell out of here."

He found Scully's wallet, neatly laying on the kitchen table. 
He handed the guy a ten.

"Uh, it's $18.64, mister."

"18 bucks?  Isn't that a bit much?"

"You know, you complain a lot for a guy in a floral robe."  It
finally occurred to Mulder what this guy must have
concluded about him.  For an instant, he felt self-conscious,
but that soon passed when the memory of Scully, facial
expression wracked with intense pleasure, pleasure that he
himself had given her, popped into his head.   Oh yeah, he
was a real man.  He had no doubt about it.

He handed the guy another ten and gave him a sarcastic
nod and smile.  "Just give me the pizza."  Which, if you're
interested, I'm planning to hand feed to the most beautiful
woman who ever walked this planet; the same woman who I
just had the most incredible sex of my life with, up against
her bathroom door; the same woman who at this moment is
waiting, naked, for me in a huge tub of water; the same
woman I'll be having incredible sex with another four times
yet tonight.  Don't think you can say the same, can you now,
pizza boy? 

Once the door was shut, he took the robe off and threw it
over the back of the couch. In doing so, he lost his balance
slightly.  Well, maybe not four more times.

"Mulder, there's a bottle of wine in the fridge, bring that with
you, please?"  Scully called to him as he headed back to the
bathroom.

He fumbled around the darkened kitchen, shivering now,
holding the bottle of freezing cold chardonay against his
naked skin, looking for wine glasses.

"In the rack under the cupboard," she called from the
bathroom.

He smiled and shook his head.  Whether it was woman's
intuition or psychic ability, the fact remained that she knew
him better than anyone in his entire life had.  She knew him
in ways that he didn't think were possible.  It was almost as
if she'd known him his entire life.  Before they'd ever met. 
Like she was born knowing him.  She had to have been born
loving him, because he still felt like it was an absolute
miracle that she could.  

"In the drawer next to the stove," she called again, before
he'd even begun opening drawers for the corkscrew. 
Absolutely amazing.

Or not.  Maybe this was something that was completely
normal to other people.  Or at least to Scully.  

Balancing the bottle and two glasses on the pizza box, he
carefully used his foot to push the bathroom door all the way
open again.  As he set the box and glasses on the floor and
climbed back into the bath, he said, "Ya know, being with
you these past few days I have suffered more affronts to my
masculinity than I ever imagined possible."

"What does that mean?" she asked as she settled herself in
between his legs this time.

"It means that I've given the pizza guy a helluva a story to
take back to work with him."  He reached over the side of the
tub to grab the glasses of wine for them.  "I mean think
about it, Scully, premature ejaculation, dressing in floral
robes...What's next, Scully?  Gonna do my hair?"

Scully sipped her wine and laughed a bit.  "Well, would you
rather I have gone out there?  Might have given him some
good fodder for writing letters to Penthouse, though .  'Dear
Forum, I never thought this would happen to me...' "

As she bit off the end of the slice of pizza he offered her, his
eyes grew wide at her comment.  "Scully, how..."

"How what?" she said with her mouth full.

"How do you know..."

"Mulder, you must think I live in a bubble."

"Well, I know you don't,  I mean I know that you...,"  He
trailed off and took a bite of pizza.  With a mouthful, he
asked, "Scully, did you really watch my movies?"

"What would make you think I made that up?  Contrary to
what you might have thought about me before, Mulder, I do
in fact think about sex."

"Yeah, I know that. It's just that, well, all those things you
said before, those things you told me you did..."

"Yes?  I thought you said it didn't bother you to hear those
things."

"Scully, I just...I just didn't realize you could be so...dirty."

She laughed again at him and finished off the rest of the
slice of pizza they'd been working on.  She turned her body
more toward him and noticed a glob of sauce that had
landed on his torso.  In an exaggerated motion, she licked it
off with a flattened tongue.  Speaking in a low, husky tone,
she asked him, "Don't you like me dirty?  Because I'd be
willing to keep it in check if you think you can't handle it. 
But I'd say you were pretty lucky man."

"Scully, you don't know the half of it."

"Oh, but I think I do."

She placed an open mouthed kiss on his neck and nuzzled
him there.  "Mmmulder, I want some more."

"Scully, I can't...just...yet...I-"

"Pizza, Mulder.  I want some more pizza."

"Oh."  He reached down over the side of the tub and
grabbed another slice.  He was just about to feed it to her
when he suddenly remembered something else he'd wanted
to ask.  "Scully, were you really afraid of that stupid little
clown?"

She sighed through her already open mouth that had been
waiting for the pizza.  She shook her head.  "Mulder,
shuddup and feed me."


END Desideratum