Title Just Words I (1/1)
Author Rachel Anton
E-Mail RaValliano@aol.com
Rating NC-17
Category S
Keywords MSR
Spoilers Small Chinga, nothing huge.
Disclaimer Still don't own these characters. Don't
think I ever will. Oh well (
Summary What does Mulder want out of his life these
days?
Author's note This is just my take on a very old
theme. Let me know how you like it. 




I am not a weekend person. I know. Big shock. I've just
never been one of those people who sits in their office
on Friday afternoon, climbing the walls and watching
the clock, desperate for escape, for leisure time. I
don't do leisure time. The concept has always eluded
me.

The truth is I don't know what to do with it. I used to
spend my weekends doing research, following leads down
dead ends, basically doing the same thing I did all
week at work. But I can't do that anymore. Not alone.
The motivation just isn't there. 

Sometimes there is an actual need to work. Sometimes a
case needs attention and we have to spend the weekend
investigating. Sometimes there is a backlog of
paperwork and we have to spend Saturday and Sunday
doing that. Those are good weekends. Not like this
weekend. This weekend there is nothing. Nothing to come
between me and my leisure time. Fucking great.

Wanna hear what I've done so far? Too bad. I'm going to
subject you to the list anyway. It is now Saturday.
Seven p.m.. Since I left work Friday afternoon I have
fed my fish twelve times, watched five unmentionable
videotapes, bounced a basketball three hundred
consecutive times on the table in my living room,
cleaned out my sock drawer and played, and won, thirty-
six games of computer solitaire. What a life. 

Notice anything missing from that pathetic assortment?
Thought you might. That's right. I haven't called her
once. Not one single time. And I am damned proud of
myself. I have to say its taken every ounce of
restraint I have not to. But I haven't. She asked me
not to. Told me not to. And I want to listen. I want to
do what she asks because she asks it and I don't want
to make her unhappy. I don't want to drive her insane,
to drive her away from me, and if she wants space I
need to respect that.

Even though it is driving me absolutely crazy.

How long has it been since I heard her voice? Almost
twenty-six hours. And I am already edgy and jittery,
like a junkie in withdrawal. Is that what its come to?
Is this what I've become? Totally pathetic.

I understand her need for time to herself. Really I do.
Everyone needs time to themselves. Right? It keeps you
healthy. It keeps you sane. Right? So why don't I need
it anymore? I used to need it constantly. I used to
hate being inconvenienced by the presence of other
people. They got in the way. Disrupted my thoughts. So
why is it different now? Why do I feel so aimless, so
desperately lonely when she's not around?

The fact that she is so anxious to get away from me
only makes this whole thing more embarrassing. What am
I supposed to tell her when she demands that I don't
call her? Am I supposed to beg? Is that the deal? Jesus
what ever happened to my masculinity? If you find it
let me know.

Alright this pacing around the apartment thing is
getting old. Time for a new task. Maybe I'll clean the
grout in my tub. I'll bet she never gets grout. 

As I am digging through the closet in the hallway,
trying in vain to find some kind of cleaning implement,
I am startled to the point of jumping by the sound of
the telephone. I am tempted to let the machine pick it
up. There is no one who it could possibly be that I
want to talk to. But still, even Frohike would be
better than bathroom fixtures.

"Hello."

Silence. Long silence. Except for the sound of
breathing. Great. I don't even want to know what this
is about.

"Hello?"

"Um...hi." My first response to hearing her voice is
absolute panic. Why would she call? Something must have
happened. And nothing good ever happens to us.

"Scully, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. I just...um..thought I
um..." She sounds totally flustered. Worry starts to
give way to amusement. She doesn't even know why she
called. She just did.

"Scully? You there?" 
"Um yeah...yeah I'm here. Um..whatcha doin?"

"Just cleaning some grout. How about you?"

"I was just sort of thinking. Nothing really."

"Scully is it Monday already?"

"Huh?"

"Thought I was a persona non grata till then." I can't
help the wisecrack. And I can't help the huge smile
spreading across my face either. Maybe "some time to
myself" is working out for her as well as it is for me.

"Well um...I actually needed to ask you about
something."

"Oh really? What's that?" I think I can actually hear
the wheels turning in her little head, trying to
concoct some kind of excuse, a reasonable explanation.
Maybe it will be something about work. Or maybe she
thinks she left something important in my apartment. I
can't wait to hear what she comes up with. 

"Um I was just thinking that...I was just...Mulder what
do you want out of your life?" Okay, this I was not
expecting. The truth. This is actually why she called.
It is such a tremendous question, asked in such a
random and unexpected fashion that I am at a complete
loss. What exactly IS she asking me? And why?

"I'd like to see the Jets win the Superbowl someday."
Good one jack ass. You're such a laugh riot.

"Mulder..."

I sit on the couch and turn off the television. This is
definitely a sit down conversation.

"Sorry Scully, I'm just not really sure how to answer
that."

"I'm sorry. I know it's a weird question. I was just
sitting here thinking and I just...I just wondered. I
mean I used to know." Yes, she did. I told her the
first time I met her. My sister, the truth, answers. I
told her it was all that mattered to me. We both know
things are different now. I have been waiting for this
conversation for a long time. What matters to you now
Mulder? What do you want? Doesn't she know?

She sounds sad. And a little lost. I suppose she
doesn't know. Or maybe she does and it makes her sad
because she can't give it. 

"Well Scully, do you want the truth?"

"Of course I do."

Of course I can't tell her the truth. Not the whole
truth anyway. But I suppose if I left her name out...

"What do I want out of my life?" I take a deep breath
in preparation. "Um...actually it's not as unusual as
you might think Scully. I'd really just be happy to
have...someone. I'd like to be able to have someone I
could hold who would feel safe in my arms. Someone who
loved me and needed me, who I could protect and
cherish, who could share everything with me..." She
makes a tiny little sound, a...a moan? Could that be
what that was? What was that sound? No it must have
been my imagination. So I continue.

"I mean when I picture my ideal life now Scully, the
only thing I can see is lying next to...someone...and
wrapping my arms around her, knowing that she is happy
just to be there with me, knowing that she has faith in
me and that she trusts me with her heart." 

"Mulder..." There is a strange silence between us for a
moment. What is she thinking? Does it make her happy to
know this? Sad? Does she pity me? "How?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"H...how are you holding her? Describe the picture in
your head to me."

Whoa. This is getting really dangerous here. I'm
starting to get very nervous. But I have to tell her.
How can I refuse?

"Um...okay. We're lying here on my couch and we're in
pajamas, well I'm in sweatpants, she's in pajamas.
Fuzzy flannel pajamas. She looks warm and comfortable.
We're under the blanket. Her head is resting on my
chest, right under my chin. She's sleeping. And when I
look down at her she has the most beautiful peaceful
smile. And I know it's there because of me. That I make
her feel safe and happy and content."

"Where are your arms?" This is little more than a
whisper. What in God's name is happening here?

"One...one of my arms is around her back, holding her
against me. The other one is..." I swallow. My throat
is suddenly very dry. "The other one is clutching her
hair. Her arms are wrapped around my stomach and our
legs are so tangled up that I can barely tell where she 
ends and I begin. I'm holding her so tight against me
that I can feel every beat of her heart. I bury my face
in her hair and it's so soft, it smells so good..."
Steady boy. That's enough already.

Another sound. That was definitely a moan. Or
something. What is this? Is she crying? God I hope
she's not crying. Please know that I'm talking about
you Scully. Please know that I could never have that,
never want that with anyone else.

When she finally speaks her voice is breathless
and...something. Something I've never heard in her
before. "Is that...is that a fantasy you have Mulder?"
A what? What IS that in her voice? Something is
happening here. She sounds almost...seductive. A
fantasy? Quite a choice of words there Scully. Jesus.

I try to match her sultry tone of voice but my next
words are as high pitched and squeaky as an adolescent
boy. "Well that depends what you mean by fantasy
Scully." That's not even true to be honest with you. No
matter how she is defining fantasy, that is one. In
fact just talking about it made me hard. And then that
moan. God. Let's just say I am a bit...enthusiastic at
the moment.

"I just mean...ooh" her voice drifts off for a moment
and all I hear is her breathing (panting??) into the
receiver. "I dunno." She mutters quickly. My hand is on
my dick. How did it get there? Please don't ask me. I
don't know.

"Scully? Are you all right?" Am I all right? What the
hell is happening?

"I'm...fine" Of course. She's fine. And this is
completely normal. Whatever keeps you sane Scully.

"Yeah."

"Yeah wha...?"

"Yeah it's a fantasy I have. You wanna hear another
one?" Oh my God. OHMYGOD. What the fuck am I doing? I
seriously hope that we are on the same page here or I
am about to make a colossal ass of myself. But how
could we be? Could she be...no. No. This is not
happening. I feel like I'm in a car with no brakes,
careening out of control suddenly and randomly.

She still hasn't responded to that. I can't hear her
breathing anymore either. Maybe she was so disgusted
that she hung up on me. How could I blame her? Jeez
what the hell was I thinking asking her that? Of course
she doesn't want to hear another one. She's not a
fucking pervert like me. 

Her voice almost startles me. "I don't....yeah. Yeah I
do." Oh. Oh wow. Okay. Her voice. Same page. There is
no mistaking that voice. At least I don't think there
is. Please God don't let this be a misread. Please.

Okay superstud, now you've gotta think of another one.
A good one. One that she might actually like. One that
won't make her throw up. Unfortunately I already told
her the nice one. The rest are pretty nasty. God what
was I thinking asking her that? 

I am suddenly gripped by an almost paralyzing fear.
What am I supposed to say to her? Should I tell her one
of my real fantasies? Or make something up that she
would be into? What would she be into? What the fuck am
I doing? God she is gonna hate me no matter what I say. 
Maybe I can plead temporary insanity and she will
forget about it. I am so terrified I'm actually
starting to shake and sweat. 

"Mulder?" My free hand squeezes involuntarily at my
crotch at the sound of her voice. Yeah I'm scared. But
Jesus how could I not be turned on by this? Well Mulder
fight or flight, what's it gonna be? Lust or fear? Who
has more power over your soul? 

"Mulder are you...are you gonna tell me?" Her. She
wins. Hands down. She wants this. God she really does.
Instinct tells me to make it real. Honesty got me into
this in the first place. Might as well continue. 

"I'm sleeping in my apartment, naked on the couch."

"No." No?

"Huh?"

"You don't sleep naked. You sleep in your underwear."
Leave it to Scully. No suspension of disbelief for her.
Even in a fantasy. It would make me laugh if it didn't
turn me on so much to know that she knows what I sleep
in. That she's thought about it.

"Okay Scully. I'm sleeping in my underwear in my
apartment."

"Which ones?"

"Black. Calvin Klein boxer briefs."

"Mmmm kay." God her voice is so fucking sexy. What the
fuck? No one should be able to sound like that. I only
hope mine is passable for her. I try to make the next
part slower. Quieter. More erotic? I sure as hell hope
so. 

"Kay. I'm awakened by something cold and sharp digging
into my wrists. I open my eyes but everything is black.
I try to move my hands but I can't. They're behind my
back and bound." I pause for a moment. Just to make
sure. Give her one last chance to say "what the fuck
are you doing Mulder" and hang up on me. She's
breathing quickly. She says nothing.

"I'm afraid for a moment. And disoriented. I have no
idea what's happening. And then I hear someone pacing
around the couch. The click of her heels on the wood
floor, the smell of her perfume. Her laughter when she
sees me struggle."

"Do you know her?"

Oh Jesus Scully. Are you kidding me? How can you not
know.

"Yeah, yeah I know her. I know her well enough to give
her a set of keys to my apartment. Keys that she used
to sneak in tonight, to play this game with me." She
makes a muffled noise. I wonder what she's using to
stifle her groans. A pillow? Is she in bed?

"Wh..what then?"

"I sit up and ask her what she thinks she's doing. She
laughs at me again. Then she leans in close, I feel her
hair brushing against my shoulder as she whispers in my
ear 'Do you trust me?'. Of course she knows I do. But I
am still afraid. I'm completely powerless, vulnerable,
at her mercy." Her small "oh" starts my hand to sliding
up and down over my jeans.

"She runs her fingernails over by bare chest, my
shoulders. Her touch is featherlight but it's enough to
turn me on. It's enough to make me hard. She orders me
to stand up. I stagger to my feet and she leads me away
from the couch, to the middle of the floor. I feel her
hands slip under the waistband of my underwear. For a
moment I think she is going to touch me. I want it so
bad. But she doesn't. She pulls them off and steps
back. I can sense her staring at me. Taking in every
inch of flesh. Devouring me with her eyes."

"Oh...Mulder." Her breath is coming in short little
pants now. I can't believe I am doing this. Oh my God I
can't believe we are doing this.

"Scully, you wanna know what she does next?"

"Mmm...yeah."

"Yeah?"

"God yeah." I have to unzip my jeans. I have to slip my
hand inside and take out my cock. I don't even have a
choice anymore.

"She pushes me down to my knees in front of her. I can
smell the sweetness, I can almost taste her. She must
be naked. Or at least have that part of herself
exposed. She digs her nails into my hair and pulls me
to her, burying my face between her legs. I slide my
tongue through her folds. I know how she likes it. I
want to please her. It's all I want. She cries out and
grinds herself into my face. She's so wet. She tastes
so good. She starts to tremble as I flick my tongue
back and forth over her clit, faster and faster." She
lets out a long, low moan and I start to stroke myself
a little faster.

"It makes me so hot to be doing this to her. I want to
touch myself but I can't. My hands are still
restrained. I struggle against the cuffs but there's no
point. She is gasping and clutching me to her. I can
tell that she's about to come."

"God...Mulder." Sorry baby, not yet.

"Suddenly she pushes me away from her." She makes a
disappointed, questioning, yelping sound. "She tells me
to stand again and she takes me to one of the kitchen
chairs. She pushes me into the hard cold seat and I
feel something tightening around my ankles. She ties
them to the legs of the chair. Now I can't move at all.
She moves around behind me and runs her tongue over my
ear. I growl hungrily and strain my neck to be closer
to her mouth. I need her mouth. I want to kiss her so
bad. Finally she lets me but only for a moment. Only
long enough for her to taste herself on me, to slide
her tongue over my lips and between my teeth. Then she
moves back to my ear. She whispers to me. She asks me
if I want her to fuck me. But she knows the answer to
that already. All I can do is moan in response. She
laughs again and slides her fingertips over my chest,
then my legs. I can't tell where she is anymore. All I
feel is her fingers stroking my skin, so lightly. God I
want more. More I tell her, please more." 

Scully is moaning almost constantly now. And I am
getting more and more swept up into the pictures in my
head, the sounds she is making. I grip myself tighter
and move faster. I'm getting close. Christ I can't
fucking believe this.

"Suddenly I feel her tongue teasing my flesh, tasting
me everywhere. Finally I feel it swirl around the head
of my cock and it feels so good. I'm seeing stars. And
I need more and I try to jerk into her mouth but she's
tied me tight and I can't move at all. Then she's gone
and I sob in frustration. I can't feel her anywhere and
I don't know where she is. For a minute I'm terrified
that she's gone, that she's left me here like this.
But...but I know she wouldn't. I know that in my heart.
You know why Scully?"

"B...because you" her voice is trembling and she needs
to take a deep breath before continuing, "you trust
her."

"Because I trust her. And then she's back. I feel her
again, over me. Her hands are behind me on the back of
the chair and her legs are on either side of me.
Slowly, so slowly, she lowers herself down on me. And
she's everywhere, she's surrounding me and I'm filling
her and it feels so good. God nothing has ever felt so
good. She starts moving, slowly sliding up and down.
She's so hot, so tight, and she's moaning and calling
out my name. I want to move, I wanna go deeper, harder,
but I can't. And I start begging her to please, please
let me go so that I can pound into her the way I need
to and she just laughs again."

"Ooohh oh Mul...Mmmm...Mulder..."

"Then she starts to move faster herself, to take me all
the way in and all the way back out
again...God...harder and faster."

"Yeah...oh yeah."

"And I need to see her. I need to see her face when she
comes Scully. I ask her to take the blindfold off, to
please let me look at her. I can barely speak because I
am so lost in the feel of her but she knows what I
want. She always knows what I want. She slides her
fingers under the cloth and then there is brightness
and confusion and then I see...God you're so beautiful
Scully. So fucking beautiful." Shit. Shitshitshit. 

"Oh God...oh my God...Mulder." She likes it. She's not
mad. Keep going. Jesus man keep going.

"You take my face in your hands and kiss me again,
freely this time, and hungrily. I capture your scream
of pleasure in my mouth as you start to tremble around
me. I feel you tightening and clenching, bringing me
deeper inside and I...I..."

"What? You what?" She is urgent, desperate almost.

"Scully where are you?" I need to know. I can't go on
this way. I need it to be real, acknowledged. I need to
see her in my mind. I need to really talk to her.
Before I come. Before she comes. 

"What do you...my house Mulder."

"I know. Where?"

"Oh...oh, I'm in..in the living room."

"Tell me more Scully. Tell me everything. Please." 

"I um...oh God I can't...mmm..I'mmm, I'm on the floor.
I'm...my head is resting on the cushions of the couch
and I'm sitting on the floor. My knees are bent and my
legs are spread and I..."

"Are you naked?"

"Mmm...no. I'm wearing a T-shirt. It's white."

"What else?"

"That's all."

"Panties?"

"Not...not anymore."

"God...Scully." I can see her there. I can see her so
clearly. God I wanna be there. I wanna be there so
fucking badly.

"Tell me what you're doing Scully."

" My eyes are closed. I'm holding the phone with one
hand and the other hand is between my legs. I'm
alternating between sliding my fingers in and out of
myself and rubbing over my clit." 

"I'll bet you're real wet huh?"

"Oh...yeah, yeah I am."

"You gonna come soon Scully?" God I hope so cause I
sure as hell am.

"God Mulder...yeah, yeah. What..what about you? Tell me
about you."

"I'm sitting on the couch, my head is back, eyes open.
I'm in jeans and nothing else. They're unbuttoned and
I'm holding my cock in my hand, stroking myself. I'm
holding it up, away from my stomach, towards the
ceiling. I'm hard Scully...so hard, for you, because of
you." 

"Mulder...I'm...God I'm gonna come Mulder."

"Yeah...me too, me too. Come for me Scully. I wanna
hear it. I wanna hear you."

"I want you in me Mulder...I want you here...I want...I
want you. God I want you."

A sob escapes me and I jerk harder into my hand.

"Mulder my body...I'm shaking and my hips
are...god...rotating and..." her sentence is lost to a
resounding cry and I let myself get a little closer, a
little further.

"Yeah Scully...go with it. Come for me. Come with me
Scully. Come with me." 

My hips rise off the couch uncontrollably pounding into
my fist as her voice breaks and she calls out my name. 

"Scully...I'm throbbing, I'm so close, Scully I..."

She is screaming, and crying "Mulder...Mulder I'm
coming...oh God Mulder...I love you!
IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. God!"

I call her name frantically into the receiver and
explode with a deafening yell. I clutch the phone to me
as cum shoots out of my body, straight up into the air
and then back down. All over me. Lovely. I am too gone
to care though.

She is still gasping and whimpering. So am I actually.
Christ. Jesus Christ. We don't speak for several
minutes. Love. She loves me. She lovesmelovesmelovesme.
My head is spinning. My world is off its axis. Where am
I? What the hell is happening? 

"Scully?" 

"Oh Mulder. What...what the hell just happened Mulder?"

"Um..this, this is just a guess but um...I think we
just had phone sex." She laughs shakily. Thank God.
Thank you God.

"That's really a big help Mulder. Thanks."

"Did...did you like it Scully?"

"Like it? Like.." she laughs again. "Um, you're the
detective Mulder. What do you think?" She liked it. She
liked it. She loves me. She's half naked on her living
room floor. She just masturbated with me. She loves me.
Oh my God.

"Scully I want to come over."

"What?" Her tone is suddenly different, panicked. Of
course. Phone sex is one thing. Coming over...that's
another ball game altogether. A ball game I am ready to
start. Finally. "Mulder I'm not sure...I..."

"Scully what you said...when you came Scully..."

"Mulder I..."

"I'm coming over Scully. Now."



End part I